Cousin came to visit

One of the best things about having a cousin for a best friend is that sometimes they do come to visit. Melinda Gibbons Husby, who wanted a best friend (and got me) came to visit yesterday.  We got caught up pretty well.  Although my siblings got into it and she got caught up with them too.

Well, she did say something that seemed painful to her, but she quickly got composure and talked like her normal self.  I wondered: "Am I the only one that actually knows what is happening?"  Everyone else didn't seem to react, but I watched her body language.  Her problem is painful to her.  I don't think it's a game, at least not from my perspective.

I'm Ready to Move On!

Ann and I by ~Atlantean6 on deviantART

I absolutely have no doubt that my French girlfriend and I are going to be together in Heaven. It's inevitable. She's resurrected now, and I am here on Earth to continue what I have to do. She died a year ago, and now I'm ready to move on. She gave me so much joy in my life while she was here, I am so grateful to her for doing that.

We met on WoW and had an online relationship, but God took her from me before we could plan to get married. She made me very happy and now I'm ready to move on and to attract love into my life and another girl. I'm so grateful for living on Earth!

I did not find love, love found me

"Human females are such rich and wonderful creatures. Their sexual life, and feelings, are subtle, complex and deep. How naive is the man who believes that having sex with a woman is so little or brief a thing as to fall within the parameters of a horizontal plane, the simple stimulations of a skin, the results attendant upon a simplistic manual dexterity. How woefully ignorant are the engineers of sexuality. How much to learn have even her artists and poets! Women are so inordinately precious. They are so sensitive, so beautiful, so intelligent and needful. No man has yet counted the dimensions of a woman's love. Who can measure the horizons of her heart? Few things, I suspect, are more real than those which seem most intangible."²

"How subtle and deep was the intelligence of women, I thought. How much they know. How much they can sense. How simple and crude, how naive, sometimes seems the intelligence of men compared to the intelligence of women. What deep and wonderful creatures they are. Who can truly understand the emotional depths and needs, eons old, of these flowers of nature and evolution? How natural, then, it is, that the truly loving man will concern himself not with her distortions and perversions, ultimately barren, but with her emotional and sensuous truths, ancient and deep within her, with what might be called her biological and natural fulfillment."³

-- John Norman


I did not find love, love in fact, found me. I have been looking for love since I got my patriarchal blessing. I.e. actively pursuing it. While actively in pursuit, all my hopes and dreams of finding a suitable mate were frustrated. Even my own cousin Melinda, which I represent her ideal LDS man to her, had married someone else because she believes that he is all that she was worthy of.

However, chance? No. Fate? No. God took a hand and brought me together with whom promises to be wonderful and a good match. And we met on World of Warcraft. Was it my fault, I suppose. Yes. It is. Am I responsible? Yes. Is Life good to me? You'd better believe it! Life is so wonderful, vast, and mightily beautiful that there is someone for everyone.

Enjoy the render. I wanted to render something in the style of Augusti Rodin, which is how I feel at the moment. Compare The Embrace with The Kiss.


Anyway, I present The Embrace a new render from DAZ Studio, inspired by my feelings the past night, and the work of Augusti Rodin.

HATE . . . What is it?

Its high time to blog about something that pushes a lot of buttons. This is hate. So, why am I, a person who is highly spiritual, blogging about hate? As a person who understands love, I have come to understand hate. It's simple, really.

Love is total acceptance of a person. Hate is varying degrees of non-acceptance. Why is this so? Hate is usually associated with anger, right? Hate is Hitler and his final solution. Hate is the Hatemonger, making people hate. Hate is certainly not pride, or non-acceptance, you've got to be wrong about hate right?

Sadly, I am not wrong in my belief, my conclusions. But, you say, Aristotle viewed hate as a desire for the annihilation of an object that is incurable by time. And certainly Rene Descartes viewed hate as an awareness that something is bad, combined with an urge to withdraw from it. And even Sigmund Freud defined hate as an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness. Finally, Baruch Spinoza defined hate as a type of pain that is due to an external cause.

But, I assert, hate is varying degrees of non-acceptance. Hate is, by every definition, the complete opposite of love. And since Love is total acceptance, hate is non-acceptance. I see hate in the wife that henpicks her loving husband. "Take out the trash!" "Do the dishes!" "Put down that video game and do what I tell you!" "You are not getting any sex tonight!"

I see hate in the husband that jokes about not loving his wife every time he kisses her. "I don't love you." *kiss* Or jokes to his mother in law who says: "At least you love my daughter." Husband: "No I don't." *grin*

Hate is definitely in feelings of *racism.* Hate is also in inequality. Statements like "I'm better than you." shows a degree of hate. Hate is in the ugliness of pride. Pride in your dress, the way you walk. Hate is a result of wanting to show your separate from your fellow neighbor. You believe you are separate, then comes feelings of being better, being the best. But this is so wrong in one's thinking. True hate -- showing you do not accept a thing, person, or group -- as they are; is something we all experience here on Earth.

So, this begs the question: why am I writing about this?

Because. Simply because I don't desire a hate filled marriage from one partner or both of us. Hate is a terrible thing, it is a cancer if the desire for separation -> Divorce -> isn't or cannot be fulfilled. Feelings of hatred towards my potential spouse, or feelings of hatred from my potential spouse can invite feelings of being unloved. It can, if allowed to go far, bring infidelity into the marriage on the part of one or both spouses. Or worse yet, one spouse may feel that the marriage is a curse rather than a blessing.

Why does this concern me? Actually, it doesn't. But, my best friend is in a marriage where her husband does not love her. I love my best friend, she is the principle reason why I desire to be Creator (other than I feel better myself being a Creator -- yes, Uncle, that's a capitol "C". And I understand you found all of my blogs, Uncle Robert Robb, so I "know" you are reading this post).

I desire with all my heart for my best friend to be with me. But she is in a hell of her own making. Fortunately for her, her marriage is fragile and won't survive. The Savior said this about her marriage:

And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world ^amarry, and are given in marriage:

35 But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain ^athat world, and the ^bresurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in ^cmarriage:

36 Neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the ^aangels; and are the ^bchildren of God, being the children of the resurrection.

Luke 20: 34-36

When I studied these scriptures, I was given hope for my best friend. I cannot have my best friend now, but I desire her very much so she can complete me and I can complete her.

Dealing with Erotic Art

It's time to talk about something that hits so many buttons. Erotic Art, the Art of Love. Many people create art dealing with Eros, and many people demonize it because everything from the most sublime and the most beautiful of expressions to the most debased pornography falls under its category. But what is Eros? Eros is simply the Greek word for Love. At one time, Eros meant true, absolute love in its purest form -- the total acceptance of anyone and the feeling of a deeply powerful connection to a person.

In our culture, eros has become defined as the love we share when we hit the sack with somebody. Eros is fun love in our culture, its no longer defined as a powerful feeling of being connected to someone. That's why cupid, the anthropormorphic manifestation of love, is depicted as a pre-pubescent or pubescent boy with wings. Love has been trivialized in our culture.



Erotic art is a subject that steps on many toes. Many people feel that the act of sharing Eros with another human being is too sacred to be shared in Art. Other people don't care, and exploit the need to see it for gain. Often, in our Victorian/Puritanical culture of the United States, when someone is presented with Erotic art, they are shocked! "Pornography" is the first word that creeps into their minds.

It is for this shock, this rush of adrenaline and the awakening of the sex drive, that most erotic art is packaged and exploited in the name of greed. Why something so pure, and so wonderful be so exploited? How can something that depicts the basic joy of being united with one person be used for evil? The purpose of satisfying one's greed and one's need for money?

I have seen all kinds of erotic art (to my shame, I must confess for much of it). From the powerfully beautiful in both Hetero-erotic and Homoerotic art, to the most debased and monstrous thing you can possibly imagine. I can imagine people creating terrible monstrosities. It's the nature of the universe. People create what they desire, it's part of the purpose of Life to explode in every single direction.

Powerful truths can be seen in it, from the depiction of an orgasm to the happiness of being joined with a person, to the pain and infliction of an art piece depicting BDSM. Some of it is sick and violent not truely erotic at all. But it's classified as erotic art because it happens to make some person out there have his hormones rage (such as BDSM, Violence is an awful thing). So, why is Erotic Art demonized? Why is it hailed as the destructive force of our civilization?

Probably because it's our fault to begin with. I don't know where this obsession to limit or stop procreation comes from, but it's definitely the root of the problem. We have to protect kids and ourselves from the depiction of Eros being enjoyed. We label all such art as Pornography and demand people to avoid it at all costs, as if it were a plague.

People create anti-pornography organizations and do war and fight against Pornography as if they are on a moral crusade to save us from ourselves. The terrible thing about this is, no one understands the true principles of how to defeat pornography. Or no one seems too.

As a DAZ Studio artist, I have created erotic art. Some of it I have destroyed, erasing evidence that I am also capable of creating monstrosities. The temptation, or the drive, to create Erotic Art is really overwhelming sometimes -- sometimes I bend to peer pressure. However, being forced to display the best of the erotic art that I have created with DAZ Studio on Renderotica -- a site that contains much violence -- is really stupid!

As an artist, I strive to create art that reflects the beliefs I have about the body, and about life in general. This includes the depiction of sex at certain times, because I believe sexual union is a joy that is due to all human beings in its own time and season (ironic, though, that I'm an unmarried virgin). My beliefs will come out in my art. It's inevitable, I'm sure. But to display such sublime and beauty on a site that promotes violence is really the pits. However, it's the only place where I can post my creations without censure.

I really do believe that Erotic Art should be about love, joy, and union. The joining of man to woman (or the opposite). The rush of positive energy, the feelings of true love, and true power. This sort of Art should be celebrated. But our culture has thrown out the baby with the bathwater. Any such art I create -- even to show how divine sex really is -- and I put on this blog will label my blog as adult. How fair Life is.

That being said, I know the consequences of displaying erotic art on my blog, and they are unwanted.

True Friendship

Songs have been sung about it.

Wars have been fought for it.

People have made sacrifices for it.

However, truly, people don't understand true friendship. Nor do they understand what truly fuels a friendship -- Love. Love is probably the most misunderstood emotion in all of human experience. People don't know what love truly is, so they often associate other things with the word love (like sadism and masochism). Sometimes, love can be falsely felt -- or be mistaken for some other emotion like desperation. But this is the Truth about Love: it is totally accepting the others for who they are and what they do.

My own deep experience with one person that I love deeply has taught me this. True friendship is not greed oriented, or oriented on one's needs to for one self over the expense of others. It's based in love and fueled by love. True acceptance of one's own Self and others.

Commonly, people express love through the joy of sex. Sexual fulfillment, sexual pleasure, and sexual conjugation is very important to relationships if they are to survive. Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together: it can better relationships -- as people who have sex every day can often attest. However, there is an equally powerful way for a relationship to build. This is true friendship. A true friendship is one without limits: no blood ties. No law of any kind can forbid it.

It is also for these reasons that true friendship is also dangerous. It lives without limits. There is no limit to a true friendship: nothing can stop it from being expressed. No blood ties can break it, no limits of the law can smash it, no cannon law can damn it up. Death cannot end it.

Take me for instance. I love a woman; even though she is my first cousin and the wife of another man. She inspires me to aspire to be my best self. She really exalts me, and has me thinking more of exaltation than of damnation. She increases every attribute inside of me that is good, and inspires me to succeed as a man. You can say that she is, and I consider her to be, my best friend.

Since she is married, I can not explore the sexual dimension of our relationship. It's off limits, and if I were -- some unwanted, and undesired, consequences would follow. So, I chose to go the way of true friendship. At least my part in our relationship will be true friendship. Friendship without limits, no blood ties, no law can stop it. Everything that I have is hers, if she wants and needs it.

This is the way I choose to express my love for her. It's not the wrong way to express it. :)

Was John Norman a Misogynist?

Lately, a lot of feminists have fought against the publication of the Gor series of novels, and often won. The term "slavery" punches our buttons. Slavery is indignation, unrighteous, and how slaves are treated in the books -- an outrage!

But please, let us understand why the books were written in the first place. John Norman is the philosopher came up with the anti-feminism philosophy that a woman's place is naturally submissive and the man is naturally dominate. Although it is true, to use slavery to present that view -- and to present it in novels rather than open debate really proves how sick our culture has become.

John Norman isn't misogynist, he's simply trying to present a different point of view. Misogyny is a label invented. I never even heard of the word before until it was used against me at one point. What John Norman argues through the book that Man and Woman are who they really are. No matter what is done to remake us, we are what we were intended to be.

Not one person invented Man and Woman. Reading all about John Norman's drama with his rights being violated has given me a sense of indignation. After all, truly, no man has ever been maligned so much by misconception and false authority. Save perhaps the Master of Masters -- Joshua ben Joseph of Nazereth -- and Joseph Smith.

Truely woman was made for a true purpose as a daughter of Eve. In our world, in all of humanity there is nothing more beautiful or more prized than a woman. Helen had the face that launched a thousand ships. When she was stolen away by Paris of Troy, her husband demanded her back and a thousand ships were launched -- bringing about the downfall of the Trojan Empire. An epic moment that would be remembered as an event at the end of the Bronze Age.

John Norman does not hate women. Nay, his poetic verse says much about the man. "By their fruits, ye shall know them." The next segment, I'm going to talk about friendship: true, pure, real, and best.

Love

I've now gone and done it. I've taken my feelings of love for my cousin to a higher, and deeper level. My cousin in Norway is a Wiccan. I found this out from my other cousins about two weeks ago, and rather than choose to denounce her and judge her as wayward; I've chosen to be proud of her and to admire her.

One of my best friends, Dave Sharp, said that the best way to support someone is to love them. And when you love them, they automatically feel your love. So, I started to love my cousin to show my support. Little did I know that I would actually be attracted to her spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. Someone could say this is unfair, that it is wrong to be attracted to my cousin in such a way. I don't believe so.

Family Naturism and Swinging are not the same

From a couple of kindred spirits over at a popular clothing optional; nudist resort:

Now the problem still exists that people who don't know any better, are still confused thinking that swingers are also nudists. (Although some are, it does not go hand in hand). In the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, a reporter is definately confused. For the full story click here

The reporter writes "You might think someone running a campground named for its nudist policy and dedicated to mate-swapping..." The reporter continues "He bought the campground in 2002 and began welcoming nudists."

Why this problem still exists, I have no idea. But nudism should not be equated with Swinging. Swingers are those who swap their mates for mating; family naturists pass on the value of chaste nudity to their children and set a good example for them by being nude and faithful to their spouses. Now don't get me wrong, but sex is fun. It's the most beautiful, most sublime, and most fun way to connect with your spouse or partner. But this really shouldn't be going on.

This blog may be about my roleplaying hobby, but I also use it for my other hobbies as well. One of these is family naturism. I believe naturist resorts who call themselves famly naturist resorts should cater to the family. De Anza Springs Resort is one of these. So is the Terra Cotta Inn. The more we focus on how Naturism and nudism revolves around the family and chaste social nude functions: the less people will confuse swinging or free sex with the naturist/nudist community. Sexuality is for the family, and naturism is for developing close relationships.

Oh, and to day, I feel uninspired; but I'm still going to put up an article about one of the Greek Philosophers.

Confessions of an LDS Free Thinker (1)

I am a Free Thinker, I can not get away from this fact. I think freely and wonderfully. I can come up with all sorts of thoughts from the material I digested. Free thinking led me to a prayer that saved me from a lifetime of Porn Addiction. Free thinking led me to believe in the Spirit in a way not many people thought possible. Free thinking led me to a better understanding of the Law of Christ, and that Christ can forgive sins and not judge us.

That being said, my other confession is that I'm in love with a woman who I have known since 1st Grade (I think, probably Kindergarten). Unlike others, confessing this love out in the open connects me to my love in a way many virgin lovers felt but did not understand. The sad thing is, my love for her is unreciprocated in the physical sense. What is she like?

The last time I saw her, she was blonde and had a crimpy hair style to simulate curling. Her skin is the most beautiful shade of white and pink. She had the bluest eyes, like great cerulean sapphires that I could get lost in for hours. She had the straightest nose, and teeth as white as new elephant tusks.

She is the most attractive girl in the Graduating Class of 1993 of Cyprus High School. God, she's beautiful. I hope by now she realizes by how much she is. After all she just glows with a radiance that surpasses everyone else. She has a next door girl quality about her, and she became fully attractive to me. As of late, I tried to look her up on the Reunion site and . . . I ran into bit of a problem. I can't afford the detective fees to find out where she currently lives and her phone number and so forth. But I love her very much, and I know every time I exclaim my love for her she instantly reacts. After all, it's her face that I want to wake up to every morning, and her naked body that I desire to hold close to mine. And it's her that I desire to share my love with, and I love to have her share her love for me with me.

Why am I writing out my feelings? Well, it's more of a therapuetic move. Like this LDS blogger said:

And yet I continue to type away, at least partly, because I'm having difficulty finding a new counselor/therapist and I like the idea (mentioned in the blog I stumbled into) of blogging as a form of narrative therapy.

My therapy is not to pine away for my love, but to deal with my unrequited love. I'll continue to express my desire to reunite with her, date her, and marry her. It's a righteous desire, I know it; and I'm finally the man she really wants inside.

So, there you have it. A virgin LDS free-thinker in love with the woman of his dreams who is saving himself for her. After all, she deserves the best, and I am the best.