Saturday, July 12, 2008

Confessions #5


Apparently, I'm teasing myself.

Months ago, my Mom felt that I was actually going to get married and have children. I believe her in principle. However, I see little of how I'm actually going to have a happy marriage with the usual Latter-Day Saint woman. I've changed so much that I felt that I can't have a marriage without a dimension of nudism, naturism, or skinnydipping in it.
The last LDS girl I've dated hated nudity, she thought that the body was ugly, and a wicked thing.

That was before I was talking seriously about getting together with another woman, with two kids as part of the package. She hated nudity, but worse of all, she couldn't see how our relationship would work, so she broke up with me. Then I met a girl through the same medium: WoW.

She's a full nudist, 19, and probably has an attractive body. I'll never know since she quit WoW; good for her. Really. So I left my email address with her brother -- who is trying to prevent us from communicating. He believes that on-line relationships eventually end up in heart break.

I told him that I've been proven wrong thrice, meaning I also believed such. Three of my cousins met their mates through on-line relationships. Daniel, Melinda, and Angie (last names removed). Daniel got married and has a happy relationship with his wife, even though a terrible car crash took his life. Melinda met Andreas (whomever) through Everquest. She flew to Norway to marry and be with him. Angie met Mojosam (the guy's real name I do not know) on WoW, and she recently moved in and is currently co-habitating with him.

(if you are going to demonize her in your heart, please stop now. I've been communicating with her enough to know that she and Mojosam happy with the arrangement. )

With this last girl, I think I messed up big time. I never fully intended to do anything; just have fun and act out the fantasy of being a nudist. However, I desire to be with this girl. She's fully the manifestation of my desires, and I desire to communicate with her more thoroughly.

However, it is clear to me that a normal, dyed in the Wool, LDS marriage with the regular LDS girl from Utah is probably going to cause a problem. I can't be with a woman who thinks her body and my body are ugly; and that nudity is only for sex. It's not going to happen. The marriage will have an element of lust built into it (since she won't want to see me without the temple garment, often). If she's hardnosed, she may complain about my nudism to the Bishop, which could cause a complication.

I can't have a normal, dyed in the wool -- I'm the bishop's or relief society President's daughter -- LDS marriage. I am not Peter Priesthood. I never can be. I never wanted to be cookie cut in that role. I just wanted to be myself.

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