Confessions of an LDS Free Thinker (1)

I am a Free Thinker, I can not get away from this fact. I think freely and wonderfully. I can come up with all sorts of thoughts from the material I digested. Free thinking led me to a prayer that saved me from a lifetime of Porn Addiction. Free thinking led me to believe in the Spirit in a way not many people thought possible. Free thinking led me to a better understanding of the Law of Christ, and that Christ can forgive sins and not judge us.

That being said, my other confession is that I'm in love with a woman who I have known since 1st Grade (I think, probably Kindergarten). Unlike others, confessing this love out in the open connects me to my love in a way many virgin lovers felt but did not understand. The sad thing is, my love for her is unreciprocated in the physical sense. What is she like?

The last time I saw her, she was blonde and had a crimpy hair style to simulate curling. Her skin is the most beautiful shade of white and pink. She had the bluest eyes, like great cerulean sapphires that I could get lost in for hours. She had the straightest nose, and teeth as white as new elephant tusks.

She is the most attractive girl in the Graduating Class of 1993 of Cyprus High School. God, she's beautiful. I hope by now she realizes by how much she is. After all she just glows with a radiance that surpasses everyone else. She has a next door girl quality about her, and she became fully attractive to me. As of late, I tried to look her up on the Reunion site and . . . I ran into bit of a problem. I can't afford the detective fees to find out where she currently lives and her phone number and so forth. But I love her very much, and I know every time I exclaim my love for her she instantly reacts. After all, it's her face that I want to wake up to every morning, and her naked body that I desire to hold close to mine. And it's her that I desire to share my love with, and I love to have her share her love for me with me.

Why am I writing out my feelings? Well, it's more of a therapuetic move. Like this LDS blogger said:

And yet I continue to type away, at least partly, because I'm having difficulty finding a new counselor/therapist and I like the idea (mentioned in the blog I stumbled into) of blogging as a form of narrative therapy.

My therapy is not to pine away for my love, but to deal with my unrequited love. I'll continue to express my desire to reunite with her, date her, and marry her. It's a righteous desire, I know it; and I'm finally the man she really wants inside.

So, there you have it. A virgin LDS free-thinker in love with the woman of his dreams who is saving himself for her. After all, she deserves the best, and I am the best.